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Predicting NFL Game Outcomes by Mascot

By Mike Thayer

NFLFootball is my favorite sport. On Saturday's, Sunday's, Monday nights and Thursday nights, you most likely will find me in front of a TV watching games or at the very least paying close attention to game updates on a tablet or cell phone.

Week three of the 2019 NFL season is now in the history books and my Bears, yes, I'm a Bears fan, took care of the Redskins 31-15 on Monday Night Football. 

Surprises of the season so far

Who thought the 49'ers would be 3-0?  Same for Buffalo, also 3-0. The Colts are 2-1 without Andrew Luck.  The Lions are 2-0-1.  Huh?  Most of the so-called experts had all those teams sitting at around 1-2 after week 3.

As expected:  The Patriots are 3-0.  Same for the Kansas City Chiefs, also at 3-0.   But these are the only two teams really, where the so-called experts were spot on.  An argument could be made for the Cowboys at 3-0, but that's an early season prediction made every year by most, using the line, they've got the talent.....

On the downside and unexpected:  The Steelers are 0-3.  The Falcons are 1-2.  The Redskins weren't predicted to be undefeated, but NOT 0-3.

The accuracy of "professional" predictions of game outcomes this season is all over the place!

So with the season not really playing out as predicted after just week 3, I said to myself, "What the heck, I'm throwing all football analysis, Vegas odds, so-called guru expertise, scheduling, home/away, injury lists, insider information and commentary, etc., for picking games out the window."

For the rest of the season, I'm picking game winners by what mascot would logically kick the other mascot's butt.  Surely it can't be any worse than the guessing game that is NFL game prognostication.

Week 4 Schedule:

Thursday Night Game, 09/26:  Eagles vs. Packers - Eagles have talons, Packers have boxes, box cutters and tape.  Packers box up the Eagles and ship them out of town.

Sunday Games, 09/29:

Redskins vs. Giants: Redskins have arrows, war clubs and tomahawks, Giants are huge.  The arrows and tomahawks have no effect, Giants squash the Redskins.

Chiefs vs. Lions:  Another arsenal of arrows, war clubs, tomahawks and even some lances and knives, but this warrior tribe is up against lions.  Fangs and claws however, are not enough to overcome the weapons of the Chiefs.

Titans vs. Falcons:  Although Titans are menacing, Falcons rip their eyes out rendering them blind.

Browns vs. Ravens:  The Browns don't have a real mascot and I don't care how good a coach Paul Brown was, they need to get a real name.  The Ravens have their way with the not-really-a-name 'Browns.' 

Raiders vs. Colts:  Swords, muskets and cannons vs. a kicking horse........  Raiders take the treasure.

Patriots vs. Bills:  Minutemen take down the herd.

Panthers vs. Texans:  Don't mess with Texas.

Chargers vs. Dolphins:  Getting hit by lighting can mess you up, especially if you're in the water.

Buccaneers vs. Rams:  The Bucs enjoy rum more than winning, get butted by the Rams.

Seahawks vs. Cardinals:  OK, there's no such thing as a "Seahawk" but then, naming your football team after a lame little red bird that flies away when threatened?  Hawks over lame birds.

Vikings vs. Bears:  This is a partisan pick, 'da Bears being my team and all......  Vikings are tough, armed with weapons such as axes, spears and swords, but bears are relentless and SO angry when provoked!  'da Bears in a close one.

Jaguars vs. Broncos:  This one is kind of a no-brainer, a big predator cat vs. a bucking horse.....  Cats have horse meat for dinner.

Cowboys vs. Saints:  Pistols, rifles and roping vs. praying.....  hmmm.....   The Saints don't go marching and the Cowboys yell "Yee-haw!"

Monday Night Football, 09/30:  Bengals vs. Steelers - The big cats finally break out the claws and take down some metal workers without a fire.

This could be fun!  If I have a winning record at the conclusion of week 4, I might be on to something!

Enjoy the games my friends!

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