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Women, don't try to change your guy - it only drives him away

Mike Thayer

Sooner or later....

Trying to change your man may not drive him away right away, after all, he loves you.

But mark my words, it may take 20 years, constantly trying to change your man to how you want to do to things, WILL only drive him away sooner or later.  And then what do you have?  No man.  You drove away somebody that loved you, but he ended up not being able to live with you and your ever-trying-to-change-him ways.

And I'm not talking about the little things, like putting the toilet seat down, or not farting in public.

I'm talking about core values, core needs.

Your man needs a room to call his own in the house.  It could be a man cave, but that's not always feasible for every relationship or household setup.  Man gets that.  But let your man have his own space, somewhere.  Sure, you get the rest of the house/apartment, and that's fine by man.  Decorate how you want all the rest of the house with your flower patterned couch, frilly curtains and lace covered end tables, but do NOT tell a man how to decorate his cave/space.  And no, a home office space does NOT count!  A man needs a space to go AFTER work!  Let him have a man cave or some kind of space/room in the house to call his own, unless of course, you want him to spend time at the local neighborhood bar......

If your man wants to store BBQ seasonings in the kitchen, don't make him put them in a box in the basement or the garage, it's his kitchen too!  SHARE the kitchen to some extent at least.  If you, as the woman of the house do the majority of the cooking/baking/food prepping, by all means set up the kitchen to your liking.  Man is OK with that, but give him some space, a cabinet, a shelf, to call his own for when he wants to put some meat on the fire or yes, make you that occasional dinner.  Allow him to have that monkey butt fire spice or 5 alarm volcano rub in the kitchen, you may not like it, but I guarantee, he doesn't like the herbs de provence you've got in the spice rack either.  You're a couple, right?  Give your man at least some of that kitchen space.

If your man wants to wear jeans to a casual party, don't make him put on business casual.  Just don't.  You want to dress him right for a formal party?  Fine, he probably needs your help on that.  But for a gathering of close friends, do NOT tell him what to wear.  You want your man to be in a COMFORT zone and in his element at casual gatherings.  What you don't want is to get him all anal-retentive-wound-up before you even get to the party because you're nagging him, worried about how he looks......  Relax.  It's about the party, the friends, the conversation, NOT the clothes or the "image."

If your man is trying something new, or working on a project that makes him happy, do NOT interject/interrupt his thought process, let HIM figure things out.  A man needs a sense of purpose, to see a project/new task through as he sees fit.  Trust your man, he'll pleasantly surprise you, IF you let him.

To sum, when you met your guy and you were attracted to him, despite his burping, his occasional obnoxiousness, his scratching somewhere on himself that shouldn't be public......   Don't try change that behavior, it's man behavior!  Let it be.  Yes, have a Beatles moment.  Telling your guy to NOT do that stuff only creates an argument, or at the very least, pisses your man off.  Sure, he may be passive/nice about your nagging at the moment, but eventually, the nagging will cost you, sooner or later.

It is imperative that you allow your man to be his authentic self.  Look in the mirror and reflect on yourself BEFORE you try to criticize and/or be a control freak over the man in your life.   In other words, if you are unhappy with yourself, you're probably being overly critical of him.  As a general rule of thumb, the feedback to your man should be 75 percent positive, 25 percent negative, a.k.a., constructive criticism, NOT nagging!  If all you're doing is nagging, guess what, man leaves, maybe soon, for sure later. 

And guys, by all means try to squeeze the cheeks to avoid the complaint if you must, but ladies, if a guy farts in his own house, don't bitch.  Laugh it off or better yet, fire one back!  It's a human function after all, not just a man thing.



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